CONDOMS OFF THE MENU

FACT. There are 208 women MP’s in the House of Commons. According to a recent Think Tank report, this could increase by as many as 100 at the next election through positive discrimination of female candidates, and many more pro-Feminist laws could be the result. 

CARRYING  a concealed condom could constitute a sexual assault under a new bill to be put before Parliament.

If it becomes law, it will mean that a man could wind up on the Sexual Offenders List and face a jail term of up to 5 years.

The 10 minute rule bill is to be tabled early in 2019 and could reach the statute books in the same year.

It is being sponsored by Georgina Snip, MP for Big Hampton, who famously burned an effigy of a giant penis on Guy Fawkes night whilst an undergraduate at Cambridge. She was suspended by Girton  for 3 months.

She is confident of a second reading of her bill and claims it can achieve Royal Assent within a year.

“What woman has not felt violated when she discovers that  a man she is with  has a condom hidden about him”she said

“I was thrown into deep shock from which I have never recovered when a man I was having dinner with got out his wallet to pay the bill and a packet of 3 fell on his side plate.

“This showed an intent on his part to have sex and it could well be this would be non-consensual. A man who is planning rape may well use a condom in order to confound DNA testing”.

The MP added that she has additional plans for another law to make illegal an unsolicited request by a man to a woman for a date.

“Many new laws will be passed as more women enter Parliament, not so much to achieve more equality but to disadvantage men” she said.