I FEEL HIS HAND ON MY THIGH. HE GIVES IT A SQUEEZE etc etc

The written words of one Charlotte Edwardes and mark the name well both Jeremy Clarkson and Robert Peston and any other man from the A list of  celebrities who has escorted the lady.

They sound like the beginning of a chapter from a cheap novel aimed at teenage girls of the early 20th century when to read about a man’s hand on a female thigh was just about the height of sexual titillation.  But no.

They are the words of the former model Charlotte, published in the The Sunday Times recently, and remembering an encounter with our leader Boris Johnson.

At what the author herself describes as a boozy lunch, our hero is accused of squeezing her thigh  and the  word “remembering” is somewhat apt as the encounter is alleged to have taken place in the late 90’s or early 2000’s – she’s not entirely sure.

As a writer, it can be seen from the brief extract from her prose  published here that Charlotte is probably better known for her other more physical attributes, and as a recorder of facts – well, dates are entirely superfluous to the plot.

Another thing, however, is that a female guest sitting on the other side  of Boris told our heroin later that she too had been similarly groped. Two matters of interest are raised at this juncture.

One is that Boris is obviously highly dexterous as he is able to accomplish both left handed and right handed gropes although we are not told whether or not this is simultaneously. If so, let us hope that it is not a party trick he picked up at Eton.

Second, is our author telling the truth and, if not,what is her motive for impugning  our hero’s table manners.

Does it have anything to do with the fact that Charlotte was starting a brand new job at the Sunday Times on the very day that her reminiscence was published? Surely not.