THE DONALD THREATENS TO SPRAY NEW YORK WITH AGENT ORANGE

We can reveal exclusively the real reason for Buris calling The Donald yesterday from Chequers, his  estate deep in the Kent countryside where he is recuperating from the Corona virus.

The Prime  Minister  had been told over breakfast that the world’s best known bozo, his mate Trump, was contemplating encouraging his mentally defective followers and the nation in general to inject with disinfectant as an antidote to V19.

He has also declared that, if this doesn’t work, he might order the USAF to spray the entire US of A with Agent Orange, starting with New York. There is evidence, he says, that wet leaves spread the virus so get rid of them and you’ve got a result. “Big result. Big”

In a leaked transcript of Thursday’s conversation the PM points out to the demented El Presidente that shooting up with disinfectant could have its drawbacks, such as advancing the demise of people likely to vote for him in the upcoming election for Top Dog.

Donald is heard to say something like “Jeez – I didn’t think of that” although his voice is muffled by the hysterical laughter of a White House aid in the background.

As for Agent Orange, was the President aware, says Boris, that it assuredly stripped the leaves off millions of acres of jungle to expose the Ho Chi Min trail but it had also dramatically shortened the lives of countless Vietnamese who had come into contact with it?

“Yes” replied the President, “But did you know that most of the VC already had Corinova and it had stopped it spreading until it broke out again in China. Vietnam, China. They’re all the same. All the same”.

A slightly sarcastic sounding Boris  responded  that if killing the patient is the way to stop the spread of the virus  then perhaps people should get down and breath the fumes from the hot exhaust gasses of motor vehicles.

After all, some scientists have been saying that it does not like heat and tail pipe gasses should do the rest.

“Wow” says the President. “You’ve cracked it”. The conversation is ended here with The Donald shouting at the aid, now noisily sobbing “Get me the Mayor of New York. “I told him flooding the place with electric taxis was a bad mistake. Bad mistake”.

Endit

TO ALL READERS. COULD YOU WRITE FOR THIS COLUMN? LOOK BACK OVER THE LIBRARY FOR OTHER EXAMPLES AND HAVE A GO. YOU’LL GET £25 IF YOUR OFFERING IS PUBLISHED. FILE YOUR COPY THROUGH “CONTACT US”. GO ON – YOU CAN DO BETTER SURELY!